PERSPECTIVE UK
People and their profiles: dukes, archbishops, actors, writers, monks, oddbods, the garish, the gregarious - here they are in single file, chosen by chance, by inclination, or by necessity ... and all reflecting, one hopes, the essential, but indefinable, spark that makes one human being interesting to many. Geoffrey Mather
Life and living - 3
Down the years, various famous fathers have advised their sons on life and living, and Lord Chesterfield, with Letters to his Son, is one of the more prominent. But I would not give a damn for Chesterfield against Lord Burghley. Lord Treasurer to Elizabeth 1, who advised his son, Thomas, as follows:
I think it fit and agreeable to the affection I bear thee, to help thee with such rules and advertisements for the squaring of thy life, as are rather gained by experience, than much reading; to the end that entering into this exorbitant age, thou mayest be the better prepared to shun those scandalous courses whereunto the world and the lack of experience may easily draw thee. When it shall please God to bring thee to man s estate, use great providence and circumspection in choosing thy wife; for from thence will spring all thy future good or evil; and it is an action of life, like unto a stratagem of war, wherein a man can err but once. If thy estate be good, match thee near home and at leisure; if weak, far off and quickly. Enquire diligently of her disposition, and how her parents have been inclined in their youth; let her not be poor, how generous soever; for a man can buy nothing in the market with gentility; nor choose a base and uncomely creature altogether for wealth for it will cause contempt in others and loathing in thee; neither make choice of a dwarf, or a fool; for by the one you shall beget a race of pigmies, the other will be thy continual disgrace, and it will irk thee to hear her talk; for thou shalt find it, to thy great grief, that there is nothing more fulsome than a she-fool.
And touching the guiding of thy house, let thy hospitality be moderate, and according to the means of thy estates, rather plentiful than sparing, but not costly; for I never knew any man grow poor by keeping an orderly table. But some consume themselves through secret vices, and their hospitality bears the blame. Banish swinish drunkards out of thine house, which is a vice impairing health, consuming much, and makes no show. I never heard praise ascribed to the drunkard, but for the well bearing of his drink, which is better commendation for a brewer's horse or a dray man than for either a gentleman or a serving man…
Bring thy children up in learning and obedience, yet without outward austerity. Praise them openly, reprehend them secretly. Give them good countenance and convenient maintenance according to thy ability; otherwise thy life will seem their bondage and what portIon thou shalt leave them at thy death, they will thank death for It, and not thee. And I am persuaded that the foolish cockering of some parents, and the over-stern carriage of others, causeth more men and women to take ill courses, than their own vicious inclinations. Marry thy daughters in time, lest they marry themselves. And suffer not the sons to pass the Alps, for they shall learn nothing there but pride, blasphemy, and atheism. And if by travel they get a few broken languages, that shall profit them nothing more than to have one meat served in divers dishes. Neither, by my consent, shalt thou train. them up in wars; for he that sets up his rest to live by that profession can hardly be an honest man or a good Christian. Besides it is a science no longer in request than use; for soldiers in peace, are like chimneys in summer .
Live not in the country without corn and cattle about thee; for he that putteth his hand to the purse for every expense of household is like him that putteth water in a sieve. Be not served with kinsmen, or friends, or men intreated to stay; for they expect much and do little; nor with such as are amorous, for their heads are intoxicated. And keep rather two too few, than one too many. Feed them well, and pay them with the most; and then thou mayest boldly require service at their hands. .
Undertake no suit against a poor man without receiving much wrong; for besides that thou makest him thy compeer, it is a base conquest to triumph where there is so small resistance; neither attempt law against any man before thou be fully resolved that thou hast right on thy side; and then spare not for either money or pains; for a cause or two so followed and obtained, will free thee from suits a greater part of thy life.
Be sure to keep some great man thy friend, but trouble him not with trifles; compliment him often with many, yet small gifts, and of little charge; and if thou hast cause to bestow any great gratuity, let it be something which may be daily in sight; otherwise in this ambitious age, thou shalt remain like a hop without a pole, live in obscurity, and be made a football for every insulting companion to spurn at.
Towards thy superiors be humble, yet generous; with thine equals, familiar, yet respective; towards thine inferiors show much humanity, and some familiarity, as to bow the body, stretch forth the hand, and to uncover the head, with such like popular compliments. The first prepares thy way to advancement, the second makes thee known for a man well bred; the third gains a good report, which once got is easily kept; for high humilities take such deep root in the minds of the multitude, as they are easier gained by unprofitable courtesies, than by churlish benefits; yet I advise thee not to affect or neglect popularity too much. Seek not to be Essex; shun to be Raleigh.
Be not scurrilous in conversation nor satirical in thy jests; the one will make thee unwelcome to all company, the other pull on quarrels, and get thee hatred of thy best friends. Jests, when any of them savour of truth, leave a bitterness in the minds of those which are touched; and, albeit I have already pointed at this inclusively; yet I think it necessary to leave it to thee as a special caution, because I have seen many so prone to quip and gird, as they would rather lose their friend than their jest; and if, perchance, their boiling brain yield a quaint scoff: they will travail to be delivered of it as a woman with child. These nimble fancies are but the froth of wit.
(Burghley's letter is from The Cecils of Hatfield House, by David Cecil, Cardinal edition by Sphere Books.)
Geoffrey Mather © 2004
14 June, 2009